Boo! Happy Halloween!
I’m not really one to celebrate Halloween but this festival got me thinking about fear. What are people truly afraid of? Here are some major fears most people have and a little bit on how to overcome them.
What is fear?
Fear is a powerful human emotion. It is an unpleasant feeling triggered by the perception of danger, real or imagined. It causes a biochemical reaction that prepares our bodies to confront or run away from the threat. The experience of fear, however is very personal and can be perceived as negative or positive, depending on the individual. What this means simply is that fear paralyses some people and propels others.
Is there really some truth in the old adage, “do one thing that scares you, everyday”? Well, to answer this let us look at some common fears.
Yes people fear death and disease and injury and darkness, etc but today I want to talk about certain fears that hold us back. And the wisdom in facing these fears and learning how to overcome them.
Fear of failure (Atychiphobia)
Have you ever been so afraid of failing at something that you decided not to try at all? Fear of failure can be immobilizing – it can cause us to do nothing. That means if we give in to this fear, we are likely to miss some great opportunities coming our way and stop moving towards our goals. Some ways in which this Fear of failure presents itself is
- Creating low expectations of yourself
- Avoiding new hobbies, skills, endeavors and sticking to what you know
- Coming up with lots of ideas and never executing them
- Getting easily discouraged by setbacks and giving up too soon
“When the archer shoots for no particular prize, he has all his skills; when he shoots to win a brass buckle, he is already nervous; when he shoots for a gold prize, he goes blind, sees two targets, and is out of his mind. His skill has not changed, but the prize divides him.”
Anthony de Mello
To overcome your fear, try to “fail at something” every day. It sounds crazy but awkwardly trying something, embarrassing yourself, and laughing it off are crucial steps to prepare yourself for life. Start small, and silly. Like try a new dance move, or play a video game and lose to someone, try out something out of your comfort zone like stand-up comedy, poetry, singing, dance, cooking. Most people are afraid to be bad at something, so they never try.
Whatever you pick, this process can boost your confidence build resilience to failure.
Fear of not being good enough
(Atelophobia – fear of imperfection)
Here’s a little secret, it’s not just you. Everybody thinks they’re not good enough. The fear of “not being good enough” is one of the most fundamental fears. Here’s another little known fact- The fear of not being good enough doesn’t mean you’re actually not good enough. The fear comes from internalizing self-doubt and self-criticism. In simple words, the brain’s default setting is at ‘not good enough’. And to overcome this fear, we need to override this setting.
Try a few simple tricks
Remember you aren’t your thoughts, but your actions. Look back at your achievements and your progress and remember, the more you do the more you will learn.
Stop assuming people are judging you and stop chasing approval.
Practice positive self-talk
Surround yourself with people who will cheer you on and bolster you when you feel “not good enough”
Stop comparing yourself to others who make you feel inadequate. Remember that you are you and you are enough.
Self-esteem plays a huge role in feelings of inadequacy. It is a combination of how you value yourself and how you believe others perceive you. To start feeling ‘enough’ is the first step towards self-confidence. A surefire way to bolster it is to change the way how you and others ‘see’ you, by changing your image.
If you do feel that there are definite changes you want to bring about in your life, find people who can guide you in that journey. I help people feel great about themselves by taking on the ‘outside-in approach’ it isn’t superficial or a matter of vanity. And it can work wonders.
Fear of Change (metathesiophobia)
Psychologically speaking, Predictability makes us feel safe. However, Change is indeed the only constant in life.
People fear change because they fear the unknown and also because change can make one feel out of control and people don’t like that feeling. This fear can manifest as refusal to try new things, frustration when things don’t go according to plan or a feeling of being overwhelmed at sudden new assignments and extra responsibilities.
Change can be scary. One call, one meeting or one positive or negative event can change your reality. That is why an attitude of adaptability is essential survival skill and it can shield you from the stress of changing circumstances. Instead of resisting change, you can learn to embrace it.
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”
—Henry Ford
Change can also a really good thing. It brings about new opportunities, adventure, and growth. The right way to approach change is to get used to the idea of it. To evolve and become the best versions of ourselves we must decide what we want to change and create a plan for it. Changing too much too soon can be detrimental to growth as people often run back to their comfort zones, afraid to step out again.
A good way to approach change is to think of it as expanding your comfort zone, instead of stepping out of it. Having someone guide you through the process makes it easier. An objective evaluation can help you realise the changes you want to bring about in your life and prepare for change one small thing at a time.
Fear of Public Speaking (Glossophobia)
Surveys typically indicate that between 72-75% of the population fears public speaking. If avoiding situations where one needs to speak in front of a crowd may seem like an easy fix, think again. From interviews to business meetings, from sales pitches to making toasts, speaking in front of people is integral to social and professional success.
To conquer your fear, you have to face it. You can start small by taking opportunities to speak in front of your family, practice speaking out loud in a locked room and taking classes on public speaking.
Thankfully, with the right guidance it is easy to learn how to control that sinking feeling and become an effective speaker. I have helped many people of all ages to overcome their fear and master the techniques of powerful public speaking and presentation.
Fear makes us do the opposite of what’s best for us. A certain amount of fear is beneficial for human beings. The problem arises when fear starts leading to inaction. The solution lies in learning when to listen to fear, and when to ignore it. The more you listen to fear, the more power it has over you. The more you face it, the more power you regain. Once we understand this undeniable truth, and we learn to ask what is in our best long-term interest we can propel move ahead, beyond our fears.
After all, as they say, “darr ke aagey jeet hai!”
Cheesy, but true ;)
XOXO
Vibhinta
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