In this fast paced, competitive world where people are constantly trying to outdo each other, we often come across people who don’t seem to like us - That colleague at work who always seems to be undermining your credibility, that 'friend' who was spreading rumours behind your back, that relative who always passes a taunting remark when you meet them. We can’t get along with them, we disagree on things and we seem to get a negative vibe from them. Any of this sound familiar?
Have you ever wished that you could destroy these enemies? Abraham Lincoln said this about destroying your enemies
How would you like to convert your enemies into friends? Your haters into well-wishers?
There are 3 simple steps to do this.
They’re simple, but not easy! Simple because these 3 things I’m going to share with you are completely in your control. They aren’t always easy because sometimes you have to keep persisting and not give up. Like with everything else in life, perseverance is key.
1. Give a Compliment
2. Offer to Help
3. Express Gratitude
Now, you’re saying to yourself, “What rubbish?!”
But I promise it is not. Keep reading and believe in magic.
The trick is to do all 3 proactively.
Why?
Because while these 3 things might seem simple enough to do, they need a significant change in mindset. And the result is nothing short of magical.
1. Give a Compliment
Doubt: Why would I compliment someone I don’t like?
Well the answer is this-just because you don’t like them, doesn’t make them unlikable. I try and look at them from their friend’s point of view. I leave aside my biased thinking and look at their qualities, talents, work, etc objectively. I’m sure when you do this you will find some good in them that you can compliment.
So simply put, complimenting someone forces you to look at them differently and change your mindset about them. It is magical
2. Offer to Help
Doubt: Why would I want to help someone who is my enemy?
Simple answer- Because you are in a position to do so. That is it. No other reason is needed. When someone needs my help, as a fellow human being, I should offer whatever assistance I can. Think about it... the blind person who needs to cross a road, the old lady trying to carry something heavy, the person who was in a road accident, that child struggling to reach the high shelf in a store. They are all strangers and I would help them, so why shouldn’t I help someone who I know.
By offering to help, you will force them to re-examine their impression of you.
Worst case scenario, they will refuse (maybe even pass a snide remark). Let it be! You did something good. The trick is to do it again when you can. Best case scenario, you discover that the ‘enmity’ was just a misconception and they actually don’t have anything against you. And just like that magically, the problem goes away.
3. Express Gratitude
Doubt: Now what am I supposed to thank them for?
Simple answer, for the smallest thing they might do which helps you in anyway. When dealing with that dreaded colleague at work, always begin your email by thanking them for their response, opinion, input, job done, feedback, etc. Find some reason. Maybe they’re in the elevator and pressed the button and you’re going to the same floor?.. Say thank you. Find any reason you can!
And if you are struggling to find something, thank the Universe for their existence. It inspires you to do better (so you can continue your silly game of one-upmanship). Or thank the universe because their existence and this situation is making you try to be a better human and looking for ways to mend bridges. This attitude of gratitude is truly a magical thing. Research shows gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness- it helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build stronger relationships.
So keep going with this gratitude thing till your negativity starts to dissolve (more on practicing gratitude in a later post, I promise)
Remember this….
“The World is a great mirror. It reflects back to you what you are. If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful, the World will prove loving and friendly and helpful to you. The World is what you are.”
- Thomas Dreier
So here it is 3 steps to changing enemies into friends. Simple but not easy.
Slowly, but surely, they work for me. Let me know if they work for you too!
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